Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
