btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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