she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
