dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
