He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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