Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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