Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
