So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
