i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
