he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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