i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize