I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
