Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
