Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
