Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
