I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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