No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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