She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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