turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
