I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
