I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
