Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
40s are totally the cure
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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