You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
