i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
