If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
