dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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