Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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