Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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