She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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