You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
