you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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