my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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