i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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