Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
