He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
