Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
