so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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