my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
