They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
