she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
