help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
