I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
