i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
