bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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