my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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