so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
