OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
