ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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