sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
