Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I deserve this hangover.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
