We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
