i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
