Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
