He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We don't watch enough power rangers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
