If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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