Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
