The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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