My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
