Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
