Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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