Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize