Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
