not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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