he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
