do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
