Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
