He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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