I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
