I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
