He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
