just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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