Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize