TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
