my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
