Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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