Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
