Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
