My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
