If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did i walk over a car last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
