Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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