I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
