i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
