chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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