Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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