Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
