I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
