Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
