girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
