walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
