surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
