and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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