Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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