Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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