I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
