Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
