I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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