I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
