last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
