you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
