I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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