I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize