Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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