I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
